“I don’t think there’s necessarily a secret to our longevity. I think it is an understanding that both of us will change, respecting the change and giving each other space to change. And communicating when it doesn’t feel right. It took a long time to get there, to be vocal about things that make us uncomfortable in different seasons because sometimes you don’t change at the same time. It’s about being honest with each other. People say communication is key. It’s really how you communicate.

“It is an understanding that both of us will change, respecting the change and giving each other space to change.”

-Tabitha Brown

We’ve been together since we were 19; we were so very young. We had to learn how to talk to each other. We were boy and girl, and together, we have grown into man and woman. Learning how to navigate your relationship—we’ve been through it all, so many things we’ve been through together, and we’ve made it through the fire. It doesn’t mean fires won’t come again. But we are now equipped to put them out.”

If you’re looking for love this year, you may be pulling out a long laundry list of rules and ideas you think you have to follow to find the one. Well, fellow daters, after speaking with Damona Hoffman, an acclaimed dating expert and author of the new relationship book F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story, you may want to toss those lists by the wayside.

Just from the title, you know this isn’t about to be your typical dating guide. Forget fulfilling the perfect he, she or they expectations or happily ever after clichés. In this guide, Hoffman uses her decades of experience as a dating coach to debunk “fairy tale” dating myths and empower readers to find fulfilling relationships grounded in reality.

Eager to improve my dating skills in 2024, I sat down with Hoffman for an illuminating conversation. Here are the six tips she broke down for me to find love this year.

1. Shorten Your List

“When people come to me with a very long list, a lot of times it’s is not usually realistic or attainable,” Hoffman drops candidly. “He’s gotta be six feet tall or taller, as educated and more successful as I am. One list I read said he must have nice teeth and do yoga. But what does that tell you about the kind of person he is?” Hoffman points out that some things on our lists may be what our parents want or how romcoms or fairy tales influence us. “They don’t equate to long-term compatibility.” Instead of creating a laundry list, Hoffman suggests a criteria of three must-haves and only one dealbreaker. “We need to begin with relationship goals first and develop a list driven by values and goals for the future, not by superficial qualities that may not impact our lives in the way we fantasized about it.”

2. Follow The Pillars

“In all my 17 years of coaching, these are the pillars I’ve identified as the consistent elements in successful relationships that lead to long-term compatibility,” Hoffman declares. The first is Shared Goals for the Future. “The path can shift and change; maybe you want to have kids and biologically can’t, so you make amends. But to know that you’re traveling the same path is important to build the next pillar: Values,” Hoffman continues. “If you have the same values, meaning you look at the world in the same way and you rank similar things in order of their importance in your life, you’re going to make investments of your time, energy, and finances in a similar order.” Communication is next. “Having it will allow you to navigate through any life discrepancies or changes.” Hoffman reveals that the last pillar, Trust, is “the hardest one to build. It takes time to see how someone’s words and actions align. And that’s the one you need in the future when you’re moving into commitment and long-term compatibility.”

3. Choose Curiosity Over Chemistry

Feeling butterflies on a first date is tantalizing, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ve met your match. “I feel like the chemistry myth is where I’ve gotten the most pushback from people,” Hoffman reveals. “Everybody thinks, ‘Wait, you don’t believe in chemistry?’ It’s not that you shouldn’t feel chemistry; you should feel something, but I try to reframe it as going for curiosity over chemistry, which is a literal chemical reaction. You can’t really fall in love at first sight because you don’t know anything else about that person. All you know is that you are attracted to them. It’s not a true connection yet.” By allowing yourself to be curious, you can learn more about the person to see if your first two pillars align. Hoffman does add that chemistry is different from sexual compatibility, and yes, it does have its role. “I have the three-date rule, where if you don’t start feeling that kind of affectionate compatibility by the third date, then it’s probably not going to happen. You’ve given it enough time to develop.”

4. Cycle through the Apps

Technology and travel have changed how we date. We can search anywhere for the one with just one click. And that can be overwhelming. “The cycle and the shelf life of dating apps is very fast, and the speed of dating is one of the things that has changed the most dramatically since I started coaching. I don’t want people to get to the point of burnout or frustration with the dating app that they’re on because then you’re not dating from a place of competence and clarity.” Hoffman’s strategy is to spend a month or so on only one site, then switch to a different one for another month or so. “When people sign up for multiple apps at once, they get overwhelmed, are unable to keep up with the communication and feel drained. And I find that in about four weeks, you’ve run through the first batch of matches, and then it becomes a different process of waiting for new people to jump on the app or to log in. The app cycling helps it feel fresh again.”

5. Change Your Routine

To meet new people, you’ve got to change your environment. “We’re creatures of habit; we tend to do the same thing the same way, and it’s very hard to break out of that routine. Looking at a place like Eventbrite for different kinds of events, not necessarily singles events, but just different events to get new people into your circle, or strategically going somewhere where the kind of person you hope to meet might be is a good start. If you’re into charity or philanthropy, make a point of going to a charity event that aligns with your values. You’ll have already checked that box meeting someone with the same value.s” It’s not just about finding dates, Hoffman stresses. “The people that you’ll meet are not necessarily people that you directly date, but they are people you can add to your connector circle who may know potential dates for you. I feel like we’ve gotten reliant on dating apps, and I love dating apps. But we sometimes forget that other tools should be in our dating toolbox as well.”

6. Cross That Line

Hoffman suggests examining all potential mates, even if they aren’t in your race. “I cohosted a show called #BlackLove. I am unabashedly pro-Black love and unabashedly pro-Black people, specifically black women, being loved. It’s hard enough out here in the world for us to feel that love, so I don’t believe in just limiting your dating pool by race,” she declares. “If there is love for you out there, I want you to be open to finding it.” Hoffman admits she has gotten pushback sometimes for saying that. “But I’ve supported a lot of Black women over the years, and it’s more important for me to see them happy with whomever they find. I am thrilled to see happy, successful Black couples out in the world. But I’m also saying, let’s be open, and let’s have more love in our lives.”

F The Fairy Tale is available on Amazon.

Is finding love an intention for 2024? Ready to Love: Make a Move host Tamica Lee says, come to New Orleans to find the one! 

“New Orleans is such a great city—the vibe and the culture. Between the food and the people and just the city itself, it’s like you’re dating another person,” she says, adding it was the perfect location for this season of Ready to Love: Make a Move. “New Orleans is like a storybook of love and romance, everything you need. It makes sense for us to be here.”

On the series, four women, Ashlee Akins, Shareese Logan, Zadia Murphy and Verneashia Allen, have relocated to New Orleans, where Lee has been setting them up on dates throughout the season. “Why not move to another city to see if you can find love,” she offers. “If you get out of your city, away from all that noise, you can be more open to finding love and be intentional about being in one space with a goal in mind.”

Lee has always been a matchmaker in her home city. “That’s who I am in my real life,” she declares. “Obviously, I was a news anchor. But I’ve always set people up. When the series opportunity came about, I felt like it was my dream job. I get to do what I love: help people find love.”

She understands that finding the one is a daunting task. “I think the hardest part is finding out what you want.” For the women on the Ready to Love: Make a Move, that meant breaking down their baggage.

“There are those diehard things that we don’t change about ourselves that we bring to relationships,” Lee points out. Vulnerability is key so that you are open to love and can find a partner. “If it doesn’t work out, you’re learning something about yourself,” she adds.

Lee can also drop knowledge on sustaining a marriage. She’s been with her husband, Black Gulf Group CEO Barry Smith, for 20 years.

“I had a certain type of guy that I always would want or go for or date, and my husband fit none of that fit. None of it was any person I ever thought I would date or want to date,” she explains. “I always say make a list, write down everything you want on paper and then tear it up. Because what you want on your list is not probably what you need. Stop looking for those things that we think we want. I found my person. He had a kid, he was older, he had a child, all things I thought I didn’t want. But I tell you this: He is the best man for me as my life partner and soulmate. It worked out. So you have to form a friendship.”

Here’s her advice on sustaining a marriage for two decades. “I’m keeping a healthy relationship. It’s a lot of communication and patience,” she exclaims. “It’s choosing that person every single day. It’s been 20 years. There are days I don’t like this man, but I’m choosing to make myself better as his partner every day. And when you choose, you find your way back into it.” 

Catch the season finale of Ready to Love: Make a Move on January 5, 2024, on OWN Network.

Since her big reveal during Super Bowl LVII, fans have been eagerly awaiting the latest addition to A$AP Rocky and Rihanna’s little family. The “Umbrella” star announced her second pregnancy during her award-winning halftime show, and the couple has officially welcomed their new bundle of joy as of August 3, 2023.

According to People, the two welcomed another baby boy. Their first son, Rza—named after the famed Wu-Tang member—was born on May 13, 2022. Although the couple has kept both pregnancies pretty private as far as details or sharing tons of photos of their children, they have managed to give us plenty of fashion moments—something only A$AP Rocky and Rihanna could do.

To help celebrate the couple’s new son and their growing love—we have rounded-up some of our favorite fashion moments from the two entertainers. From the 2023 MetGala to plenty of red carpets, check out the photos below.

2023 Met Gala

Fresh off the heels of the Super Bowl, the pair made their first public appearance after the pregnancy announcement. In true Rihanna fashion, they were fashionably late, and still managed to steal the night with their wardrobe. The year’s theme was an ode to longtime fashion designer Karl Lagerfield, and they each paid homage in their own way. A$AP sporting his signature kilt over jeans look, with a Lagerfield-inspired blazer up top. Rihanna wore a play on a wedding dress from the designer—which had many speculating it was also a secret engagement or marriage announcement.

2023 Academy Awards

If there’s one thing the Harlem native will do, it’s love on his woman in public. During the 2023 Academy Awards, the two showed up on the red carpet, with Rihanna gracefully displaying her growing belly with her second son. Rocky appeared to be in pure bliss while planting a kiss on Rih’s neck for the photos ops.

The Wakanda Forever Premier

As the voice behind Wakanda Forever’s main song—”Lift Me Up”— Rihanna popped out in a matching taupe ensemble while hand-in-hand with A$AP Rocky also sporting a similar hue. The pair gave the cameras this stunning over-the-shoulder moment that only they can pull off—as the models that they are.

Fenty Beauty Party

As Rihanna continues to build her Fenty empire, her man is always there supporting her. During a 2022 Fenty Beauty and Skin launch event, the duo appeared together on the red carpet, as the “Work, work, work” singer sported her first baby bump while wearing a fun green, fringe top. Rocky, showed up in a very NY-inspired fit, but it still flowed with his lady’s attire.

A$AP Rocky’s music video

In summer 2021, the lovebirds were spotted shooting the video for the rapper’s song, “D.M.B”, which also featured a wedding and proposal scene. Once again, the internet was buzzing with speculation that it was the couple’s way of creatively announcing the next chapter in their relationship. The rumor was never confirmed or denied, so we’re all still in the dark if it was real or not.

There’s Valentine’s Day and then, there’s National Couples Day. While single folks may argue it’s a bit much to have two days celebrating relationships—and of course, other countries have even more—the day (always on August 18) was created to give couples a stress-free alternative to celebrate their partner.

Over the years, Valentine’s Day has become very commercial, often putting added pressure on those in relationships to go all out for their significant other—because social media and consumerism say so. Rather than throwing a bunch of date ideas, gift guides and stories about over-the-top engagements at you, we’ve decided to highlight the better part of it all—the love, which is what matters at the end of the day.

To celebrate National Couples Day, we’ve put together this list of some of our favorite couples who exude the epitome of Black love.

Denzel and Pauletta Washington

Meeting on the set of Denzel’s first screen project, Wilma, the Washington’s wed on June 25, 1983. Now, forty years in, the couple continues to show us that Black love can last and that it still exists. We’ve seen them on dozens of red carpets throughout the years, and they always appear to be so in sync.

Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance

While some often forget this pair is married, Bassett and Vance have been going strong since 1994, and wed in 1997. The actors technically met in acting school in the 1980s, but their romance didn’t bud until almost a decade later. In 2006, they welcomed their twins and about a year later released their first joint memoir centered on their love story. And, we can’t forget Courtney’s passion for being his wife’s personal camera guy during her big award moments.

Teyanna Taylor and Iman Shumpert

EBONY April 2022 Cover Star’s Teyanna Taylor and Iman Shumpert are considered young lovers, but the two are powerhouses in their own rights. Taylor is an uber talented creative and her hubby is doing his things in the acting space as well as a former pro athlete. Their daughters, Junie and Rue, are absolutely adorable and when they all step out as a family—our hearts literally melt.

Ciara and Russell Wilson

As we previously mentioned, the Wilson’s are always displaying Black love to the highest degree, and we’re here for it. The couple recently shared they’re expecting their fourth child, and we wouldn’t be surprised it we get a few more announcements in the future. Wed in 2015, the “Goodies” singer and Denver Broncos QB truly make us believe in love again.

Beyoncé and Jay-Z

You can’t talk about Black “power couples” without mentioning these two. “Baby, I’m good all by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together,” as Ne-Yo once sang—and the Carters are certainly that. It’s been fun to see Jay sing along with his wife and cheer on their daughter, Blue Ivy, during her Renaissance World Tour. We love a supportive King, and we can only imagine what these two will do next.

Tina Knowles-Lawson, the mother of Beyoncé, has filed for divorce from her second husband, actor Richard Lawson. The two have been married since 2015.

Knowles-Lawson filed legal documents on July 26, 2023, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the cause for the split, according to TMZ. The fashion designer and famous mom has asked the court to terminate the court’s ability to award spousal support to her or to Lawson.

While it’s the end of an era for the power couple, Knowles-Lawson and Lawson have shared wonderful moments in their lives throughout the years and launched memorable projects together, including their Wearable Art galas to support WACO Theater Center in Los Angeles.

Here’s a brief look back at some of their happiest times together.

After finalizing her divorce from first husband, Matthew, in 2011, Knowles-Lawson started dating the All My Children veteran actor in 2013. They made a striking pair at the Gabrielle’s Angel Foundation’s Angel Ball in New York City in 2014.

On April 12, 2015, Knowles-Lawson and Lawson exchanged “I do’s” on a yacht in Newport Beach, California. The entire wedding party sported white attire. That same year, the couple launched their star-studded Wearable Art Galas, an annual benefit that benefits the WACO Theater Center, which they founded as co-artistic directors. The lavish events support the company’s artistic and youth mentorship programs. 

Knowles-Lawson and Lawson were all smiles with her daughter Beyoncé and granddaughter Blue Ivy at the 67th NBA All-Star Game: Team LeBron Vs. Team Stephen on February 18, 2018, in Los Angeles.

On April 25, 2019, Lawson and Knowles-Lawson joined her daughter from another mother, Destiny’s Child alum Kelly Rowland at the Annenberg Space For Photography’s 10-Year Anniversary Celebration And Exhibit Opening of Contact High & Photoville in Century City, California.

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To celebrate seven years of marriage on April 12. 2021, Lawson revealed in an Instagram post that his and Knowles’ love story actually began 39 years ago when he met a not-yet-married Tina through his late sister Gwen.

Knowles extolled the praises of married life during an appearance on the Tamron Hall Show in April 2022. “I’ve known Richard for 40 years, and when we reconnected, it was…I felt like, a gift from God,” she said. “After 33 years [with Matthew] I always planned on, if it was in God’s plan, to get married again because I like being married.”

For the fifth anniversary of Wearable Art Gala, Knowles and Lawson hosted a Black Renaissance Harlem theme with vintage automobiles and 40-foot-tall backlit backdrops featuring notable arts institutions like the Savoy Ballroom, Apollo Theater and the Cotton Club, according to the Hollywood Reporter.

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On Thursday, July 20, 2023, Knowles-Lawson and Lawson were a strong force together at the premiere of A Different World alum Glynn Turman’s new documentary, The Legend of Glynn Turman, in Los Angeles.

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Tina Knowles (@mstinalawson) • Instagram photos and videos

On July 26, 2023, Knowles-Lawson filed for divorce in an L.A. court. While she’s asked for her name to be restored to Celestine Knowles, she still has her Instagram moniker as MsTinaLawson. 

Uncuffing season is here, and a recent study conducted by Tinder has revealed that a substantial number of singles—four out of ten, to be exact—have either recently ended a relationship or are planning to do so, all in pursuit of embracing their single status for these sunny summer months. To help you make the most of this exciting dating season, we sat down with Devyn Simone, the brand’s Resident Relationship Expert, renowned internationally for her exceptional matchmaking skills and dating expertise.

Simone’s guidance has led numerous singles to discover and foster happy, long-lasting relationships. Having personally interacted with over two thousand singles and hundreds of successful couples, she has a deep understanding of the unique challenges we all encounter in modern dating, especially amidst the swipe-centric era and the post-pandemic world we now inhabit.

So, if you’re eager to uncover the secrets to a successful summer dating journey, read on as Devyn Simone spills her most coveted tips and insights to help you find the love you’ve been longing for.

EBONY: Starting with your dating profile, what are some best practices for optimizing your dating profile to attract the right matches?

Devyn Simone: When it comes to photos, use recent pictures. Don’t use anything more than 1–2 years old, especially if you’ve made any major changes to your personal style. Also, show yourself doing activities and with friends. Don’t get lazy—take the time to clearly state what you’re looking for in your profile. Whether you want a long-term relationship or are still figuring it out, claim it. We’ve seen lots of success with singles doing this, as it connects you with like-minded people. This way, you don’t have to worry about matching with someone who isn’t looking for the same type of relationship, which would waste your time.

What are some ways to start conversations and move things to a first date?

Here’s a simple hack to avoid struggling with what to say to new matches: pick 5 great qualities about yourself and think of a short anecdote for each one. For example, if one quality is that you’re socially outgoing, you can briefly mention that you meet up with friends every Friday.

When you match with someone, look for cues in their photos or bio to connect to one of your anecdotes. Ask an engaging question related to the anecdote, like “Do you go to that lake every weekend?” for a photo in front of a lake. Share your short, true stories in response to what they say. This gives you an easy, natural conversation starter instead of resorting to a dull “hey.” Show genuine interest in learning about them while highlighting your own attributes. After three to four days of good conversation, suggest meeting up in person for a proper date. Don’t get stuck in endless back-and-forth messaging.

How can you stay positive when facing rejection and disappointment in online dating?

Remember, rejection is a normal part of dating and life. Don’t take it personally—it’s not a reflection on you. Keep an open mind and maintain realistic expectations. Revamp your profile if you hit a frustrating wall. And take breaks when needed to avoid burnout. Just keep trying because there are more opportunities out there, and someone will appreciate you. 

What should you look out for to stay safe when meeting matches from dating apps?

It doesn’t hurt to do a basic Google search on your matches before meeting up.  Look for consistency in behavior as a safety cue—inconsistent or cagey communication could signal someone is hiding something or leading a double life. Generally, people with genuine intentions will want to meet up after a few exchanges to avoid wasting time. If there’s always an excuse why they can’t meet up, or plans keep falling through, take that as a red flag that they may not be as available or interested as you are. Trust your instincts if something feels off. Your safety is the priority when meeting someone new.

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Nina Westbrook dedicates her time to helping couples—and families—work through traumas and underlying issues in order to become their best. As a busy mom of three little ones, which includes twins, as well as a wife to NBA star Russell Westbrook, she knows firsthand what it takes to ensure your family unit is on one accord.

Earlier this year, she released a card game, Do Tell, that provides a range of questions and topics for couples, families or even individuals to utilize to dig deeper and strengthen their bonds. Now, Westbrook is adding to her Bene by Nina Westbrook brand with the launch of her new podcast, The Relationship Chronicles.

The new series will engage with experts and celebrity guests discussing tough topics with humor and compassion. She will guide candid conversations about the everyday struggles of real-life relationships—from friendships, and family dynamics, to dating. Nina Westbrook and her guests will share tips and personal experiences on how to forge meaningful connections. Oh, and you will see some familiar faces, including: Kevin Hart, Gabrielle Union, Sophia Roe, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Shan Boodram, Malin Akerman, Matt Higgins and more.

EBONY caught up with the LMFT to learn more about the first season of The Relationship Chronicles and whether her husband will make an appearance as well.

EBONY: As a LMFT, what do you hope listeners, especially couples, will take away from the episodes?

Nina Westbrook: Chatting about relationships happens to be my specialty, but I’m just grateful to have some amazing guests trust me enough to come on my first season and share some of the trials and triumphs of their personal relationships. My hope for each episode is to find a way to connect the information and tips listeners will hear from my guests and me, to the commonplace struggles that we all experience in our everyday lives. Through the stories and lessons shared, the listeners will be able to see themselves, and their lives, and how connected we all truly are. I was very adamant about whom the guests would be for my first season. I wanted to make sure that we would be able to get a real glimpse into the lives of the guests, and that we would all be better, or different, after listening to each episode. I’m always an advocate for growth in all ways.

For this first season you were able to snag some of Black Hollywood’s greats, is there a favorite episode that sticks out to you? If so, why that one?

Honestly, when I was in the moment when having the conversations; I was just in awe of everyone. I really am like a sponge, and one of my favorite things to do is search for ways that I can connect with the next person, as well as learn to look at the world through their lens. As you said, I was able to pick the brains of some extraordinary talents, and they each brought a new and fresh perspective. I think that there was a recurring theme of growth, self-love and acceptance, and perseverance. I can’t wait for everyone to tune in.

How candid are you and your guests getting on the podcast, and what will truly make The Relationship Chronicles stand out from other podcasts?

It’s going to be a great mix between celebrities and experts who are not only sharing stories, but speaking from a unique place of experience or expertise. A lot of the information you’re going to hear on the show is research based, and not just a matter of opinion. By the end of each episode, listeners will be left with small nuggets of wisdom that will lead to growth and connection. Many of the guests that I have on this first season are known for living life out loud, and doing so unapologetically. Expect to get the raw and unfiltered truth from this season’s guests, as well as myself.

Will we get an episode of you and your husband this season? If so, what was something in that conversation that really made your heart melt?

Russell will definitely be making an appearance on one of the episodes. I don’t want to share too much, but I can say that it’s probably the most he’s ever revealed about himself publicly, which probably comes as no surprise.

The warmth of spring is in the air and, for some, so is love. Now that the signs of warmer seasons have begun to show themselves, there is more to do outside. Different venues and organizations have special activities and programs to take advantage of that are of low cost and catered for the springtime.

Depart from the usual and surprise your boo with an exciting Springtime date that is both cute and accessible with these activity ideas.

Trek to Your Local Farmer’s Market

If your bae is an early riser on the weekends, a trip to the farmer’s market may be right up their alley. You can check out the fresh produce and interesting goodies that vendors have available and if you are lucky, there might even be entertainment around. For a double win, what you purchase can go toward a romantic dinner in the evening.

Picnic at a Botanical Garden

Most cities have a botanical garden or park of some sort nearby. Pack a lunch with your favorite snacks along with your favorite blanket and enjoy the beauty of your environment. Some gardens have displays that highlight what is in bloom on their premises that you can check out as well.

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Unwind at a Luxury Spa

For a more pristine afternoon, consider taking your partner to a spa. Treat yourselves to a couples massage or matching pedicure treatments for a day of pampering and self-care. Because you can’t love on someone else if you cannot love yourself, this date idea prioritizes the wellbeing of one’s self and the other person.

Take in a Outdoor Movie

While many believe that drive-in movies are a thing of the past, they’ve never been more popular as they have in recent years. Transforming your vehicle it into your own private section is an intimate activity to enjoy this spring. If there are no drive-in spots in your area, some community venues may hold a movie night series on their public green to look out for.

Stroll Through an Art Gallery

Art galleries and museums often host special days that are free or at reduced cost. Take advantage of those offerings and spend your date taking in new exhibitions and learning about art. When you’ve finished viewing, snap a quick pic to memorialize the wonderful time that you had.

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