Because I often write about culture, racial inequality and systemic injustice, people will email or DM me articles, tweets, etc. of posts they find interesting. Well a couple of days ago I was turned on to a Snapchat post from a Pretty-Person-With-A-Booking-Email who went on an impassioned and inane rant about why “all lives matter.” At the time, she was the alleged girlfriend of R&B star Omarion.
A day later they broke up. And then I saw this tweet, which made me laugh my ass off.
Apryl: “All Lives Matt-”
— it me (@KyleNaughtonJr) July 11, 2016
Now, to be honest, I don’t know (nor do I really care) about why they broke up because it’s definitely none of my business, and I realize that tweet was just a clever joke. But even in the most hilarious of observations there’s a modicum of truth and the truth is that #AllLivesMatter has officially become an important dating topic of discussion.
The gap between the Black Lives Matter allies/supporters and the All Lives Matter crowd is not just one of a simple ideological difference, but rather symbolic of one’s affinity for justice and equality versus another person’s ingrained racism or self-hate. In fact, I’m willing to assert that a healthy, loving, productive, long-term commitment cannot be created and nurtured by two people with separate outlooks on this one topic. And that’s why #AllLivesMatter isn’t just merely a significant dating subject of discussion, but it’s now officially a conversation that must be broached on the first date.
The absolute worst dating advice I’ve ever heard in my life was that “first dates should be devoid of any controversial topics,” which is utter BS that no one should subscribe to. It propagates the notion that politeness, PC behavior and acquiescence to traditional social norms is more important than delving into the true character of the person sitting across from you at the dinner table. It promotes the concept that simply making it to the second date is much more laudable than actually discovering the true nature of the person that you’re considering giving full access to your mind, body and soul. It’s steeped in the respectability politics of being “nice” and “agreeable” so your date doesn’t have a reason to never want to see you again — as if losing contact with someone who negates your humanity is your loss.
And it is that humanity that lies at the center of this debate. If you believe that maybe, just maybe, Black folks shouldn’t be summarily executed in the streets by public servants and you find yourself courting/being courted by someone who actually disagrees with that sentiment, the craziest thing you could do is to continue dating that person with the expectation that maybe, just maybe, they’ll change or eventually see the light.
That’s flat out stupid.
If you want to date interracially, find someone willing to assert the preciousness of your existence, because if they can’t affirm that, then they can never really love you. They can have a “color-blind” affection for you, but because your blackness is an intrinsic part of your being, they’re choosing to love you in spite of the totality of your humanity, believing your other characteristics help you “transcend” your race. That is not a compliment.
And if you want to date another Black person, and they believe that Black Lives Matter is a sham and a pseudo-terrorist faction hell-bent on enforcing “Black supremacy” throughout modern western civilization, do yourself a favor. Find out as soon as you can so you can walk right out of that date and hopefully still get home in time to watch Black-ish. There isn’t an industrial-sized vat of cocoa butter large enough to tackle that level of ashiness.