Every time my heart gets broken, the first thing I do is commit to taking a break from romance. I don’t want to think about the likelihood of having to entertain someone else and most importantly, I don’t want to have to deal with the possibility of getting hurt again. In other words, I scream, “F*** love” in full-range falsetto and throw myself into my work.
And I’m not alone.
While “focusing on other things” or “working on myself” may yield positive results, it certainly doesn’t absolve my desire for life-long companionship. And I will venture to guess it doesn’t for anyone who is part of the “f*** love” posse. Here are three reasons why these folks actually need love the most.
1) “F*** love” is code for, “I have lost or am beginning to lose faith in love.”
Those who are quick to run in the opposite direction of romance didn’t arrive at their mode of thinking overnight. They most likely have endured a series of letdowns in their lives, and have concluded that in order to avoid pain, they’d rather “do me.” The truth is they strongly desire love and romance. They want a mate to experience life with; they are just allowing their scars to dictate their future.
2) They will love you the hardest.
People who subscribe to the “Love don’t live here anymore” mantra have the most giving—and trusting believe it or not—hearts. They yearn for someone to give them the love that we all deserve. Understand that while you cannot attempt to love someone who refuses to allow you to, you can at least empathize with their plight. Even if they do not open up about past pain, their experiences are usually traumatic in nature. They truly do need someone to tell them, “Everything is going to be okay” and stick around to show them that they mean it.
3) They need to believe in love again.
No one should live a life without love. As tempting as it may be to seek to control your emotions, you just can’t regulate if someone is going to hurt you or not. People who have turned their back on love need to believe more than anyone. Otherwise they run the risk of inflicting the very pain on others that they seek to avoid.
You are not responsible for saving anyone who has opted to live a life that breeds negativity when it comes to love. But there’s nothing wrong with recognizing that the folks who say they can do without it, can’t. Just don’t become one of them.
Shantell E. Jamison is a senior editor for EBONY. She moderates various events centered on love, relationships, politics and wellness and has appeared on panels throughout the country. Her book, “Drive Yourself in the Right Direction” is available now. Keep up with Shantell via her website, Facebook, Twitter @Shantell_em and Instagram @Shantell_em.