1. Can The Men In Ciara’s Life Quit Calling Out Her Sex Life?: It was bad enough that Russell Wilson felt compelled to reveal that God apparently sent him a direct message to “lead” Ciara by way of sharing a chastity belt. Now, her ex-fiance Future is jumping into the conversation. During a recent interview, Future was asked whether or not he chose to abstain from sex to which he replied, “God told me something else. He ain’t tell me to wait. I guarantee you that. We prayed afterwards though. After we did it, we prayed. That’s a true story.”

For starters, Future and Ciara have a child together so clearly they were having sex. Secondly, he could have easily bypassed that question. Sure, he was right to defend himself from cheating accusations, but to tell us that they prayed after they boned? Ciara, start a group chat in person and let both of these men know that what happens or doesn’t happen in your vagina stays there.

That said, Future was right to highlight that Ciara was wrong to ditch he and Mike Will Made It for a more pop sound that no one asked for. I mean, if they had you riding high with “Body Party,” you shouldn’t be so quick to go Hollywood once again.

2. The Subway Train Ain’t For Singing: Brandy has been getting a lot of attention for not getting any attention when she decided to take to a New York City subway and sing The Wiz classic “Home.” Listen, I like Brandy and I still sing about sitting up in my room, but as a frequent subway rider, let me just say that more often than not, no one wants live entertainment while on transit. Like, in the summer, you’re waiting underground in temps that feel like Satan’s crotch after he just finished CrossFit. After that, you’re probably alerted to a delay due to train traffic, an investigation, or some other crap. On top of that, you have to contend that the prices keep rising while the service continues to suck.

Considering all that, do you want to hear “Home?” I didn’t think so. No shade, Brandy.

 By the way, Bran, you said, “I just gave that my all, and nobody said nothing…Nobody on the train responded, and I feel very… emotional right now.” Girl, there are children back flipping on the train, blind people back flipping between the train cars, and old Black R&B groups from the 1970s reuniting in real time. Still, most people don’t give a damn. Just something to consider.

3. You Need Brinks Home Security, My Brother: I don’t want to tell Chris Brown how to spend his money or his leisure time. However, after yet another home break-in that now involved his auntie being locked inside of a closet, I would advise the following: get rid of these fake friends of yours, and in their place, hire more security. Also, install some cameras, or if you have them on already, turn those suckers on.

That aside, I’d like for TMZ and other outlets to do the man a favor and not show every property he owns. Like, can he live with some nominal level of privacy?

4. Batman Can’t Know Any Black People?: In a new interview with Nylon magazine, actress Zoë Kravitz says that she was not allowed to audition for a role in the last Batman movie because they didn’t want a Black. Oh, excuse me, they didn’t want someone “urban.” Because urban is the term White people use when they want to say Black, but don’t want to be called racist. You know, even when they’re being racist as hell.

The actress says: “In the last Batman movie [The Dark Knight Rises], they told me that I couldn’t get an audition for a small role they were casting because they weren’t ‘going urban.’ It was like, ‘What does that have to do with anything?’ I have to play the role like, ‘Yo, what’s up, Batman? What’s going on wit chu?’”

I’d like to wish everyone involved with casting to a special place in hell. That special place being the hottest floor in the hottest building in the hottest circle of hell.

5. Not Everyone Is So Easily Distracted, Beloved: Whenever some story happens – namely one involving an entertainer – some fool along with their like-minded brethren will chime in that X issue is distracting us from Y issue, which is supposedly far more important. Let me hip you folks to something: Not everyone is as easily distracted as you are.

The human brain can handle multiple subjects. Tyga will not distract you from Sandra Bland. Tyga will not distract you from Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby won’t distract you from ISIS. ISIS won’t distract you from the new Miguel’s comments about Frank Ocean. Miguel’s comments about Frank Ocean won’t force you to lose sight of racism. That is, unless you’re feeble minded. If you are, God bless you, but don’t project that nonsense onto the rest of us. Thanks and good day.

Michael Arceneaux, EBONY.com contributor and Master of Shade, calls out five of his biggest gripes from the past week. Rejoice and be read. Follow Michael @youngsinick.